Yesterday I spent the day at a water park with my husband, kids and niece. There’s a four year gap between Son No. 1 and my niece, a close to seven year gap where Son No. 2 is concerned. Yet she still, amazingly, wants to hang out with us.
The boys were a bit reluctant to go onto the slides at first which, you know, drives me completely insane because it’s not like we didn’t tell them we were going to a WATER SLIDE PARK AND HAD SHOWN THEM PICTURES. Thankfully my niece was able to coax them onto the slides….eventually….which worked out well since I was all out of bribery money.
There are two really large slides at this park – both quite scary but the latter being a ridiculous plunge straight down. I could tell my niece wanted to go on the lesser of the scary slides but was hesitating. So, even though I totally did not want to slide down these huge slides due to my issues with having water splashed on my face, I sidled up beside her and said “wanna go?” And she was all “I’m not sure” and while my mouth was saying “C’mon, it’ll be fun!” my eyes were watching the people at the bottom of the slide and my head was thinking “their faces are really wet”.
We climbed the 10.2 kajillion stairs (water parks are now included in my speed skating training) and waited. While my niece was super excited the thought of getting my face wet was giving me the heebie jeebies. I won’t even get my face wet in a shower and if I’m a kid splashes me in a pool, I would totally take them down. But kids are smart and aim the chlorinated water directly for your eyes leaving you incapable of finding them. Not even when you yell out Marco. There’s just something about splashing water that I hate. It’s a combination of fear and repulsion. Like the first time I saw a penis.
Finally it was my turn and off I went. It was worse than I anticipated. The speed at which you slide down had the water shooting into my face and up my nose. At the end, I stood up and stepped over the edge of slide while attempting to wipe off my face and breathe again. My niece and I started walking to meet up with my husband and the boys but it wasn’t until I had taken about four steps that I realized the force of the slide had also been strong enough to cram certain pieces of my attire into the crack of my ass. It was like my ass had decided to eat my bathing suit in front of the entire water park.
Which put the whole being splashed in the face with water thing into perspective. Sometimes in life we fear the wrong things.