Progressively Progressing

This year we have two coaches who alternate weeks. E. is one week and M. is the other. And because I was sick two weeks ago and then something had happened the previous two weeks before that, this was the first class I’ve had with E. in over a month. Also, I’m trying SO HARD not to email her questions even though I have about a kajillion of them about my skates and crossovers and straightaways. I may have abused my email privileges throughout the summer. I do that sometimes.

Last night we did monkey skating.

Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. You skate around in a squatting position with your arms hanging all monkey-like because in speed skating you’re not supposed to be tense or stiff, you need to be loose. Being tense throws off your balance.

Also, google really can help you find anything. It’s monkeys! Skating!

The concerned mother in me feels they should be wearing little helmets.

She also had us doing a drill where we were in the basic position balancing on one skate and then hopped on to the other skate and then back again. You know, while moving.

This was followed by relays, and finally, progressions.

Progressions are where you do laps and each lap you go faster and try to beat the previous lap time and you keep doing this until you finally can’t beat your previous time. I was in the last group – we are the least fast of the fast – but they are such a great group to talk to and damn if I wouldn’t rock a standing around and talking class. I may have been busted for not knowing how many laps we were on in relays due to talkeous too-mucheous.  It’s like my elementary school experience all over again.

What’s funny is I always feel like I’m going SO FAST but my fastest lap time was, in fact, 21 seconds, which is the opposite of fast. Also, E. let me have a free lap where I hadn’t actually increased my time because one of the people in my group fell and I slowed down because I was going to turn back and help her but E. told me to keep skating, so I did, and some other nice people helped her up.

Last year at this time I would have been all Monkey Skating? Relays? Hopping on skates? PROGRESSIONS??? I can barely stand on these freaking blades, ohmygawd.

But this year when E. says we’re going to do something fun and makes us skate around like monkeys and do things I think I can’t do but I try anyway. Well, she’s right. It is fun.

I’m progressively progressing.

Still slower than molasses in January but progressing.

p.s. I was offered a ticket to see a pre-screening of Breaking Dawn 2 last night and turned it down because I had speed skating. If that doesn’t tell you how dedicated I am, nothing will.

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About Sharon

Sharon DeVellis is a mother, wife and writer who can uncork a wine bottle in less than 10 seconds but buys twist-offs for emergencies. She’s currently in therapy to stop talking about herself in third person.
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4 Responses to Progressively Progressing

  1. Kelly says:

    I was thinking of you when I went to the precreening:) I’m a shameless Twilight fan and 50 Shades avoider too. Although it was one of the better movies, I don’t think it would surpass monkey skating. That sounds super fun. Progressions sound like they start out fun and end in hell. Still, I think speed skating lessons might have to go on my bucket list.

  2. Keith says:

    Dedicated isn’t necessarily the word I’d use. Self preservation is a good one. I think I’d do just about anything rather than watch or read Twilight.

    Oh, and the triathlon stuff you’ve been on about. Swimming is easy compared to skating. No sharp objects involved, no hard ice to fall on. Just nice warm friendly water.

    • Sharon says:

      Well, I actually like Twilight. I know, shameful, right? I did manage to stay away from 50 Shades of Grey.
      And with the swimming you seemed to have forgotten the whole “drowning” aspect. Also it’s Lake Ontario – warmth is not in my future.

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