I Suspect He’ll Run Away From Me Screaming or How I’m Being Proactive

So I’m a bit panicked about how I’m supposed to train for this triathlon. I’m getting an actual triathlon trainer but that doesn’t start until March or April. Jeff, the guy who convinced me to do this triathlon and who is supplying said trainer, has absolutely no idea how panicked I get if I don’t have a plan in place, like, RIGHT NOW.  Although thanks to numerous email exchanges he’s well aware of the crazy he’s working with.

Also, I’m fundamentally lazy so 12 weeks of super hard work doesn’t appeal to me. I’d rather do 10 months of semi-hard work.

Ha! I just said semi-hard!

I mean, I have a portable DVD player to strapped to my treadmill and stationary bike so I can watch movies while I work out. *This* is what he’s up against.  I keep waiting for the phone call where he says, “You know, Sharon…… GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” and then I’ll watch as he runs away.

So to keep the panic at bay between now and whenever super hot Australian guy starts training me to do this race–did I mention my trainer is Australian? With an accent?  These things are important. I’ll pretty much do anything for anyone with an accent. Although I really have no idea if he’s hot or not, I do know that he most definitely will have a lower body fat percentage than I do. Anyhow, I’ve decided to be proactive. I signed up for a twice a week boot camp starting in January and today I’m going to sign up for a Learn-To-Swim program, also starting in January.

The Learn-To-Swim is through our Parks and Recs program. They also had a Train for A Triathlon program and I was totally going to do that until it said I needed to be able to swim two laps in order to participate.

2 laps = 50m

That math right there?  That’s the reason I’m panicking. Pretty sure I can’t do that.

Scratch that, I know I can’t do that.

My husband thinks I shouldn’t worry at all and suggested I just stuff my wetsuit with a flutter board for the race which is why I love him so much.

He gets me.



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About Sharon

Sharon DeVellis is a mother, wife and writer who can uncork a wine bottle in less than 10 seconds but buys twist-offs for emergencies. She’s currently in therapy to stop talking about herself in third person.
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8 Responses to I Suspect He’ll Run Away From Me Screaming or How I’m Being Proactive

  1. alimartell says:

    True story. I actually asked at my gym if they had any trainers with accents.

    So what I’m saying is…we’re basically twins.

  2. Kaari Cox says:

    OK, from one barely-swimmer (I can’t exhale if my face is in the water, which prohibits most swimming strokes) to another, here’s my advice: Don’t lower that body fat percentage! If you float with no effort, like I do (thanks, PopTarts!), then all you have to do is propel yourself forward somehow or other. Problem (mostly) solved! You’re welcome :-)

    • Kaari Cox says:

      Actually, I should have said “raise that body fat percentage” rather than “don’t lower that body fat percentage”–I’m in no way implying that you currently float as well as I do! I think that’s something you’d have to train for (I recommend lots of leftover Halloween candy–it worked for me!) :-)

  3. Katja says:

    I love that you throw yourself into the deep end and sign up for a triathlon when you don’t swim regularly. And I think you’re the opposite of lazy.

    • Sharon says:

      Ha! I don’t swim EVER. I think I swam once this summer and was because I went off an inflatable slide at the lake and had to get back to shore. I thought I was going to drown.

  4. Louise says:

    I didn’t take ANY swimming lessons and managed not to drown. It’s a miracle, really. The idea that I couldn’t grab the wall or put my foot down on the ground was TERRIFYING!!!!!!!!!!! Oh sorry, is that making things worse?

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