I’m closing up Speed Skating Mom.
I don’t know if it’s going to be a forever thing or just temporary, I’m not quite sure yet. I also don’t want to make a big deal about it so this won’t be posted on Facebook or Twitter, it’s here in case you happen to stumble by for a visit.
When I started Speed Skating Mom it was simply a diary for me to keep track of my progress and a place where I could look back and remember that I was actually trying to learn how to speed skate (and just skate in general) as an adult. Then, and if I’m being completely honest with myself, people started to leave really nice comments about how ‘inspirational’ I was and I think I maybe got addicted to it a bit. Y’all did a great job of stroking my ego. Narcissistic much?
I haven’t really written for the past few weeks because each time I sat down to write I just couldn’t get the words out so I took some time to really think about it and when it came down to it, the reason was I’m tired of writing about me.
This past year I spent two days a week coaching speed skating – the younger kids who can sometimes make it feel like you are attempting to herd cats with razor blades attached to their feet. I use the term ‘coaching’ loosely because mostly I was simply helping out on the ice, although I think as the year progressed, like the skaters on the ice, I got better too.
I discovered I love it. I love those kids. I love the way they leave their heart on the line every single time they go out there and race for no other reason than it’s simply what they do. Even though I had to juggle a shitload of stuff to fit in the coaching, no matter what mood I was in when I stepped on the ice, I was in a good mood when I got off. It was actually painful to me that I didn’t get to see them skate at their year end provincial championships. I wanted to be there and cheer them on and see the results of the hard work they put in. That they had spectacular results was not surprising to me in the least.
I’m tired of writing about me, me, me….look at me, see what I’m doing. Those kids are way more inspirational than I ever will be – they leave their heart and soul on the ice, you know?
I’m not discounting all the amazing emails and comments I’ve received, or any of my achievements. It’s not like that at all. I actually have a file folder filled with comments and emails that inspired me to keep moving forward when I thought I couldn’t. Learning how to swim? That shit was hard and those days when I didn’t want to go to the pool to flounder about like a fish out of water when I was in the water, it was those comments that kept me going. It kept me accountable.
But me writing about me isn’t really inspirational. Or at least I don’t feel like it is anymore. It’s actually kind of…egotistical and is the exact opposite of why I started writing this to begin with. And this is not me putting down anyone who blogs or celebrates their successes. I think we should all shout to the world when we conquer a goal and be all Booyah! Nailed it!
Hard work and determination should be celebrated every single moment.
But writing about it? It’s not feeling right for me anymore. I want to be out there doing more for the sake of doing instead of doing it and then writing about it. Make sense?
So I’m taking a break. Not sure when or if I will continue on with Speed Skating Mom but just like you need to take a break in triathlon training to give your body a chance to recover, I’m taking a break from this to give my brain a chance to recover.
I just didn’t want to leave without saying something. So this is it…my something.
And if I ever inspired you because of something I wrote, I feel very privileged that I was able to be a part of your journey in that way.
But you need to know you always had it in you anyway.
p.s. I’m not really fishing because, worms, obviously.