Dear Neighbours: Call An Ambulance

We thought she was napping

Sprints are going to kill me. I am almost to the point where I want to leave a note on each of my neighbours’ doors letting them know that if they see me lying in the grass in the park across the street, I am not resting — I am dead — and please call an ambulance.

Also, if you own a video camera you may want to drop by while I’m running sprints because it’ll go viral. In my head I am a gazelle, running my 30 second sprints with a smooth grace rivaled only by the cheetah. The reality is probably closer to this.


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About Sharon

Sharon DeVellis is a mother, wife and writer who can uncork a wine bottle in less than 10 seconds but buys twist-offs for emergencies. She’s currently in therapy to stop talking about herself in third person.
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9 Responses to Dear Neighbours: Call An Ambulance

  1. Patty says:

    Lol! Sharon, be the cheetah. It doesn’t matter how you look, I know the thought is mortifying, but your moving and changing your body one ungraceful step at a time. I am probably the worst looking runner ever, but in my head, I am Bo Derek running along the beach in 10!

  2. Hehe… I love that episode of Friends. And still so amazed at how active you are. Where do you get your energy from? Can you send some this way?

  3. HouseTalkN says:

    I am the ugliest runner on the planet. My arms flail, I move at snail pace, and I look like vomit is imminent- especially is the word “sprint” is involved.
    You go, girl.
    Kerry at HouseTalkN

  4. Parent Club says:

    I would need an ambulance and a pack of poise.

  5. Steve Kubien says:

    Ya, but you’re so fast your hearse will be made by Ferrari!!!

  6. Don’t mean to be a downer, but you-are-sprinting. If you are in the grass, you are just resting and not the permanent kind of resting. Give yourself a high-five every time you finish, cause you know I am not there [and all those other sayers/haters in your head are not there either] we are all just sloggers. Yah bitches. *giggle* can Grandmas say that?!?

  7. Kat says:

    It’s like they should come up with a Medic Alert bracelet for Sprints or something, LOL.
    Btw..My favourite episode ever.
    Also? At least you’re out there trying to kill yourself. The closest I’ve been to running this year has been reading this post. ;)

  8. Kat says:

    Good plan. I should probably do this too.

  9. Did you see Grey’s Anatomy the other night? When the elderly wife was waiting for the elderly husband to get out of surgery and she DIED? In the waiting room? And everyone assumed she was sleeping? GOD.

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