Hockey Playing Husband joined us at dryland training last night. I was actually pretty worried that he would re-hurt his knee because we run on uneven ground and while I told everyone else I was worried because it would mean I’d be back to taking out the garbage again, it was really because I’m afraid if his knee gets hurt again he won’t be able to play hockey anymore and that’s like his most favourite thing in the world, I mean, aside from hanging out with his wife, so not playing would be bad. But we can go with the whole garbage thing too.
Helpful Writing Tip: That paragraph ↑ is mostly one very long run-on sentence and if you’re a fledgling writer this is exactly what you shouldn’t be doing. You’re welcome.
Squatting With Arm Movements = Flailing Mess
I can squat until the cows come home but add in an arm swing and I am once again a hot flailing mess. In this case, the flailing is literal. My lack of coordination is ASTOUNDING.
Getting Beat By An 8-Year-Old Is Not As Bad As It Seems
I don’t know if she was actually eight. I’m thinking maybe ten, possibly eleven. Last night we were running sprints with partners. My second race was against the 10-year-old. I had no qualms about beating her if I could and gave it everything I had but in the end she beat me–and it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t even trip her. It’s like I’m becoming mature or something.
Winners and Losers
Those sprints I mentioned above? If you won your race, you were told to walk over to the winners side to race again. If you lost, you went to the losers side to do a jumping squat thing. There was no PC “first place people over here and second place people over there.” You were a winner or a loser. I like that.
I Sometimes Have The Brain Capacity Of A Gnat
Some of my close friends refer to me as Rain Man because I can remember pretty much everything everyone has ever told me with the exception of names. If you tell me your name, I will have forgotten it within 30 seconds and it will take you telling me your name a minimum of ten times before it sticks. Last night I went to introduce someone to my husband who I have been skating with for the past year. Ya, totally forgot his name.
This Is Apparently Also True For Names Of Exercises
If you were a loser in the sprint races, you went off to the loser side and had to perform these jumping squats where you hold your arms straight out in front of you and your knees have to touch your hands when you jump. E. told us the name of these but for the life of me I can’t remember what it is and I’m not going to email her and ask because I promised I wouldn’t bug her with ridiculous emails over the summer and I’ve already broken that promise like six times. So this morning while Hockey Playing Husband and I were brushing our teeth I was all “What were the names of those things again?” and he was all “I think they were jumping jacks” and I was all “They weren’t jumping jacks. These are jumping jacks” and then I demonstrated. And he was all, “Well, they’re jack something.” And I was all “I think you’re a jack something.” And then we finished brushing our teeth.
I still have no idea what they’re called but they’re a really good exercise.
The Best Part Of Dryland Training?
The glass of wine afterwards.
Editor’s Note: My husband emailed me and the jumping squat things are called Tuck Jumps.
So what I think I hear you saying is that I should exercise THEN drink wine? I thought I might be missing a step
Just consider your upper body work out getting the cork out of the bottle.
The “Helpful Writing Tip” cracked me up.
I’m a giver
You are awesome.
Btw, they sound like tuck jumps but maybe your trainer was calling them jackknife something-or-others? Jackknife is commonly used to describe that knee-to-chest position.
xo
Dara, way to not read my Editor’s Note. It’s like we’re working together at YMC again
Bwahahaha. At least I am accurate, as well as redundant…
And this made me think of the computer game we used to play all the time called “You don’t know Jack!”
Thanks for the laugh out loud this morning!
That I could make you laugh yesterday, of all days? Awesome.
Was it your husband’s name you forgot ?!?
I can relate to the flailing. Tall, awkward mess when required to move more than one body part at a time – it’s ugly
We should work out together sometime.
Thanks for the chuckle…..
I can’t decide if the writing tip is my favourite of this post or that every part is hysterical. Or maybe it’s the flailing. Yeah, it might be the flailing.
Definitely the flailing. And the proper use of the word literal.
“I think you’re a jack something”! I’m laughing out loud in the doctor’s office waiting room. Thanks for that!
My husband laughed too. Sort of.