Physically I’m not in the best shape I’ve ever been in. I’m alright, dawg. But there’s a whole lotta room for improvement says the fat on my ass and cellulite on my legs. Not to mention the wind sucking that occurs when I run. But it’s the voice in my head that will do me in.
Lately that voice has been more frequent and loud. She went away for awhile but it’s getting harder and harder to drown her out. As the new speed skating season approaches I’m getting more and more nervous. September is almost here and my training right now is blurgh. I started off all gung-ho but as the summer progressed any training I had done went right in the crapper. I feel like I’ve failed before I’ve begun.
That voice is asking just what the hell do I think I’m doing? It’s telling me I’ll fail. Deep inside I feel like a fraud. I hate her.
But I can’t stop listening.
And back on the slow track I shall get
Oh, The Voice. I know her/it very well.
I am learning to embrace the voice vs ignore it. Nurture it even. I look at it like my baby. If my baby is screaming bloddy murder and is angry as hell, I hold her, soothe her. If I ignore her, she screams louder.
So I try and soothe my Voice instead. I don’t “listen” to it – or agree with it – I just soothe it. So it would go something like this…
“Ah, there you are again. I get you feel like I suck, but I really don’t, little voice. Rant and rave all you want, I don’t agree with you but get that you want some attention. No, you can’t keep holding me back, but you are part of me and I know you want what is best for me. But this? Not helping. Let’s find a way to work together, because there are parts of you that WILL and HAVE helped me push my limits, grow and accomplish things I never thought I could. So thanks, ya know? Thanks. But you need to stop with this hurtful banter, ’cause it just plain sucks. Let’s put you to work in some areas that can really use a bitch like you, k? Like this speed skating thing? Ya, cheers work. But sure, get tough on me. Push me to do one more lap when I feel like giving up. I know tough is your game. Just get into the right rink, k? And be a gentle bitch.”
The more I deny parts of me – even the crazy, hurtful parts, the more louder they speak. But make no mistake about it – you are the boss of that bitch.
I love your last line. You’re right. I am the boss of that bitch
Tell the voice to shut up! She doesn’t know what she’s talking about! Don’t worry about the fitness…for me, anyway, the first year or so the limiting factor was my balance/technique–I couldn’t really skate well enough to skate hard enough to get tired. Attitude, the willingness to work at skating; that’s more important than what you did or didn’t do this summer. You’ll be fine–just get out there and do it, and you’ll remember how much you love it! (Oh, and get good at kicking that voice to the curb…I don’t know if it’s a “chick thing” or if we’re both just lucky enough to be self-doubters, but I had to banish that same voice just this morning in my workout…she can be a persistent little b#tch, but you can get rid of her!)
Thanks Kaari – that means a lot coming from you because I know you’ve been there. Truly appreciate it.
Tra la la tra la la. Sing along with me… okay?
LOUD and PROUD. Let’s drown it out. Run it out. Speed skate it out. Bike it out. Live it out.
You’re bigger, faster, stronger, tougher, better than it is.
You’re freakin AWESOME Sharon.
Period.
I’m totally singing with you now!
COVER YOUR EARS! DON’T LISTEN! You can do it! It’s not too late to get back on track.