When Speed Skating Son was six, he started wearing ties to school. I can’t even remember the first time it happened although had I known how it was going to evolve maybe I would have written it down because now, almost four years later, he wears either a dress shirt and tie or full suit and tie every single day.
To the grocery store, to the playground, running errands, school, the movies, playing outside — he wears a tie. He currently owns over 90 with 3 bow ties thrown in for good measure. There’s a few tie clips and puff handkerchiefs as well. Also cufflinks. Some we have bought him, some he’s bought for himself, others were gifts. Two years ago Santa brought him a suit for Christmas – he was through the roof with excitement.
It is such a normal part of our life, such a part of him that I don’t even see it anymore. But other people do. When we go out people will point and smile or ask him what the special occasion is. Nothing, he replies, I dress like this every day. This is when they will look at me and smile, telling me what a great job I’m doing raising such a nice little boy. While I’d love to take credit, this has nothing to do with me – my son is who he is because of him, not me. I know this because I have another son who loves to dress in ripped jeans and will wear the same shirt seven days in a row, telling me it is clean when I ask him to throw it in the laundry.
Two children who came from the same body and raised in the same environment yet they are completely different. Our children are born with unique personalities and traits, it’s up to us to nurture them in individual ways.
I can count on one hand the number of times I have asked him to change his clothes over the past four years, mostly due to the weather or activity. When it’s 40 degrees with a humidex warning I won’t let him wear a suit outside to play or when he wants to go climbing trees I nix the ties – strangulation hazard and all that. Other than that, I let him be him.
But the suits have caused problems along the way as well. There were, unfortunately, people who were unable to see past the suits, ties and differences and felt the need to box him in. And yes, there was bullying too and while I don’t advocate violence there was a part of me that was quite happy when Speed Skating Son told me he hit the bully with his briefcase.
Last night was the speed skating end-of-year banquet where they were handing out trophies. Speed Skating Son was excited about it all week. I watched as he got ready for the evening coming downstairs in a lavender shirt and striped tie. I was asked to carry his epi-pen because the case is bulky and ruins the smooth lines of his suit.
I watched as he sat with the friends he had made throughout the year and exchanged phone numbers so they could stay in touch over the summer. I watched as he was called up to receive his plaque for skating in the Ontario Cup and then again as he received a runner-up certificate for most promising male competitive skater. There was another skater in the club who wore a suit last night – he’s older and happens to be the fastest male. We all laughed as a joke was made about how he was fast because he was so well dressed. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Speed Skating Son’s grin as he looked down at his own suit.
I think, in the end as a parent, all we really want for our children is for them to be happy.
As I put Speed Skating Son to bed last night we went through his high, medium and low points of the day. Then he told me how happy speed skating makes him.
It kind of rocked my world.
Went thru this w/ DS also… all the way from dress pants & shirts everyday to fury pants & never quite sure what!?! Supported him *most* days!! Have to admit there were times when I would have been happy with just a normal pair of Levis… but to this day, that’s never happened! lol He’s older now and quite ‘normal’ but we still have lots of laughs when he says… “I can’t believe you let me wear that Mom!?!”
Thanks Maija – it’s always cool when I read about other kids who beat to their own drum. I can’t wait to see what happens with these kids as they grow up!
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He can’t wear the suit to dryland. Maybe a track suit though.
I can not stop laughing.
“The guy in the bowtie. He turned on the popcorn machine.”
Forever his legacy at my house:)
Dear Kathy,
I’m sorry we almost burned your house down but in all fairness you almost set Eric on fire so in a weird sort of karmic way we’re sort of even.
Also, bring a fire extinguisher with you to my place next weekend.
This makes my heart happy and my face smile.
Great post! Sorry we missed the banquet, but I always think your son each day my older one puts on a shirt, vest and tie as he always looked up to him. He says… If he can do it, so can I! I love that he can be a role model to those not wanting to fit in the “box”
I love that he does his own thing thanks to Adam. And I’m looking forward to seeing your Son No. 2 out on the ice next year.
What a lovely, nice post. How refreshing. The only person I ever knew to wear at least a shirt and tie regularly was one of my husband’s friends, about 8 years younger and the nicest guy. When he got married pictures of him as a boy were flashed on the screen and he wore shirts and ties, or suits, much of the time. How cute, I remember thinking.
A kid who is self- assured to be himself and do what it takes to feel good about himself is a role model to many of us.
I wish I had more of him in me.
Sounds like a cool kid! He’d like my coach (who, of course, I refer to as “Coach TieGuy” in my blog). TieGuy wears a dress shirt/tie to all my races (yes, and stands out there on the backstretch with his lap board, in Minnesota in the winter, with no coat, while I’m racing). He wears a full suit to important meets…I have a picture of him doing a lap with me–wearing his suit, coat and all–at my biggest race ever, the US Championships in 2007. The other coaches and skaters probably think he’s a bit weird–most coaches wear track pant-and-jacket-type things to races–but he says it’s a sign of respect for the sport. But he also wore his dress shirt and tie out on the track while he coached every one of my summer workouts–95 degree heat and all–so there’s a lot of your son’s “that’s how I like to dress” involved. Kudos to your family for supporting his style–and his speed skating!
I bet that my son and TieGuy would get along famously!
How’s the dryland training coming along?
Yes, they would!
Dryland was going fine until I dropped my slideboard on my foot. I’m using that as an excuse to take today off…
What a cool kid.
While our kids are born with unique personalities, not every family encourages the expression. Your guy is allowed to rock his look because you let him. So you rock too.
Our son, despite his ripped jeans and t-shirt uniform, has his own style. He can’t stand the skinnies or the low-butt riders popular with some of his peers. And when it was time for his grade 6 party he requested a black pin-striped suit, blue shirt and blue and purple tie. It was eye-opening to see him coiffed and clean.
It’s interesting that they develop that sense of style at such an early age. He sounds like he has great taste. Also….when he outgrows his suit can my son have it?
My littlest brother (14yo) has always had his own style too. And while it has changed over the years it has always been “different” from his peers and completely his own. My step-mom (his mom) is one of the best moms I have ever met in my life (so lucky she’s my children’s grandma!) and has supported him, taught him to stand up for himself and be proud of who he is. Because of her and her love and support my brother has the strength to deal with whomever says he shouldn’t be dressing that way. He has a great group of friends and while we often have conversations about how cardigans and skinny jeans might be a bad idea in the summer heat one look at him and you know he is going to do something amazing and incredibly special with his life. Keep up the good work momma!