Speed Skating Mom
*That* is literally the best picture of me I have where I’m not wearing sunglasses. If I died tomorrow, years from now my kids would be looking at the five pictures of me in our photo albums wondering who the strange woman wearing sunglasses is. Sadly, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only mom out there in this photo-less predicament. Note the burnt forehead and the fact that my wineglass is almost empty….for the third time. About 30 nano-seconds after this picture was taken, I broke out into the robot in the middle of a restaurant.
I stumbled across speed skating by accident. Against my better judgement we had signed our nine year old son up to speed skate. It’s like strapping ginsu knives on to the feet of kids who have the attention spans of gnats on amphetamines.
You didn’t need that femoral artery anyway.
Half a year in, he participated in his first speed skating meet. That was when I saw my first live race — I was captivated. I turned to my husband and said “I want to try it” and he responded with “I could totally see you doing it”. That’s how awesome he is. Or how much he realizes he’s married to a crazy person. Either/or.
I phoned the speed skating club the next day and they told me to come out and try a class…so I did, even though I had only skated three times in my adult life. I spent the entire first class just trying to stay upright using a combination of pinwheeling arms and promises to whatever holy entity would listen that if they could just keep me upright I would quit drinking wine for the rest of my life.
But I was hooked and the people at the speed skating club were kind which led me to joining them for the last 10 classes of the season. Then I signed up for another season. I’ve now been at it for a year and while the pinwheeling arms have decreased, I’m still slow and have a long way to go. The great short track speed skaters can skate 500 m in less than 40 seconds. It takes me about 2 1/2 minutes.
So that’s me. Beginning to speed skate at 41 and trying not to fall.
But mostly I feel like I’m flying.
Speed Skating Husband/Dad
My husband doesn’t actually speed skate, he’s more of a hockey type of guy. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be able to do half of the things I do. Plus, he’s an awesome dad. Even though I run around like a crazed hamster on a wheel juggling work and taking care of the kids, they still prefer him.
I kinda don’t blame them.
Speed Skating Son No. 1
Speed Skating Son does more than speed skate. He’s also super smart (and I’m not just saying that because I’m his mother – we had him tested) and I can’t answer 89% of his questions. He’s funny, creative, loves reading and is philanthropic – raising money for cancer at the tender age of six. He also likes to collect things.
We may be on an episode of Hoarders sometime in the near future.
Son No. 2
I’m not putting speed skating in front of Son No. 2′s name. I suggested it to him one time and he’s now adamant on not ever trying it. That pretty much sums him up in a nutshell. If he can disagree with me, he will. He’s all strong-willed and stubborn like that. My husband says he gets it from me and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean it in a complimentary way. But while Son No. 2 is strong-willed and stubborn, he’s also vibrant, energetic, artistic and my 150% kid. When he hugs me, he does a flying leap off the stairs into my arms and wraps his whole body around me. One hug from him is worth every tantrum he’s ever thrown. Oh, and he’s really good at any sport he tries. So I’m glad he’s not speed skating.
He’d totally kick my ass.
p.s. The names I use for my sons in this blog are based on birth order, not on who I like best. Unless one is not listening to me or having some sort of tantrum – then I totally like the other one better.