On Wednesday I was supposed to go swimming. There were four lanes open at our local pool so I loosened the strap on my goggles, packed my swim gear and made my way to the community centre. Only when I got there, I didn’t go in. I sat on the bench and watched the other swimmers through the viewing window, the swimmers who seemed to know what they were doing. The more I watched, the more intimidated I got.
I never did end up swimming.
This past Sunday before my first swimming class I was sitting in my car trying to work up the nerve to go in. I texted my friend Robin saying as much. She wrote back, “I didn’t think you were afraid of anything.”
People think I’m brave or never afraid but that’s so far from the truth you would need a pickaxe, rope, and a telescope to actually see the truth. New situations make me nervous and uncomfortable.
I think that more than anything else is what I want you to know. Somethings I try are really, really hard for me to do. But those are also usually the things that give me the most gratification when I do them.
This past Wednesday I wasn’t able to make myself get in the pool but what I’m not going to do is beat myself up. Watching the swimmers on Wednesday gave me insight into swimming etiquette and how to properly swim in a lane with four or five other swimmers, so all was not lost. Also, I happened to pop into the library while I was there and got myself two books to read.
You have to try and take positives from everything, even if it’s a guilty pleasure like Dean Koontz.